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In their quest to find the perfect daycare for their daughter, one mother was kicked out of multiple daycare centers due to her micromanagement. Now this family is at the last daycare center in town that will work for them. Despite things feeling smooth, this father has discovered they may lose their only option.
A Mother’s Micromanagement
The original poster (OP), whom we’ll refer to as Oliver, has a three-year-old daughter with his wife, Ivy. Unfortunately, they have been kicked out of two daycare programs in the past two years because of Ivy’s anxiety.
Parents Facing Daycare Challenges
Ivy gets anxious easily, and when she sees something wrong with her daughter, she “coaches” the daycare staff. Oliver admits he and his wife started their first daycare program needing help understanding how it would work.
Ivy’s Anxiety and Constant Coaching
Oliver quickly accepted that daycare centers couldn’t provide the personalized care for his daughter he and his wife would provide at home. Ivy, on the other hand, didn’t.
Struggles with Personalized Care
Ivy constantly worried about her daughter and got upset over the smallest things. It got so bad that she had to start therapy to control her anxiety.
Obsessive Monitoring and Overreaction
Ivy constantly watched the live daycare feeds at the first daycare center and called when she saw something wrong. She would call the daycare center multiple times a day and once yelled at one of the teachers.
At the second daycare center, there was one instance where Ivy saw another child take a toy from her daughter, making her cry. Despite the teacher giving the toy back to Ivy’s daughter, Ivy questioned why the other child wasn’t punished.
Exiting a Second Daycare Program
Surprisingly, they weren’t terminated there, but the daycare center suggested they go elsewhere.
A New Approach
This time around, Oliver chose a smaller daycare center they could afford. The owner of this daycare was nice but also firm with her rules.
Opting for a Smaller Daycare Center
Oliver anticipated that Ivy would be able to get away with less micromanagement here than in prior daycare centers. Oliver and Ivy settled their daughter in the smaller daycare center, and things appeared to be going fine.
Unfortunately, things went downhill when Oliver discovered Ivy was texting the daycare owner multiple times a day. Things progressively worsened as the daycare owner reminded Oliver and Ivy of the broken policies.
A Heated Discussion
After talking to the daycare owner, Oliver and Ivy had a heated discussion. Oliver tried to explain to Ivy that she was in danger of getting them kicked out of the daycare center.
Ultimatum to Preserve Last Option
However, Ivy only made excuses to justify her behavior. This was the last straw, and Oliver told Ivy that if they got kicked out again, she’d have to quit her job to care for their daughter.
“Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent, she’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process), your daughters [sic] life in the future, and her own life.”
Multiple Therapy Required
“I wonder if her therapist could connect her with a child psychologist for a couple of meetings. It might help her if she could sit down with an expert and be told how learning to respond to minor disappointments is developmentally appropriate and necessary for a child’s well-being.”
Hard Work Will Be Required
“I’m glad she’s seeing [a] therapist. But honestly, I knew I had to take both a maintenance med, emergency med, and have regular intensive therapy or else I was going to screw up my children big time. I joke that my kids are magically highly functional, but the truth is it took a ton of work on my part and my husband’s part.”
“I encourage her to keep up her therapy. But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me.”
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