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A couple with drastically different income levels recently found themselves at odds over finances. The wife earns more than her husband, which was never an issue—until the husband revealed he expects his wife to use her money to help out his parents.
Income Disparity and Financial Arrangements
The original poster (OP), Carol, is married with a high-paying job. She earns about ten times more than her husband, Paul.
Splitting Bills Fairly
Carol works in the private sector, earning $300,000–$400,000, while Paul earns $40,000 as a teacher. However, they make this work by splitting their income fairly to pay the bills.
Pursuit of the American Dream
For example, Carol pays 70% of the bills, while Paul only covers 30% to compensate for his lower income.
A Contrast of Upbringings
Carol’s parents immigrated to this country so that she and her siblings could live the “American Dream.” Through hard work and perseverance, Carol and her siblings landed high-paying jobs.
Extending a Helping Hand
One of Carol’s siblings works in tech, and the other is a surgeon. On the contrary, Paul’s parents worked government jobs, and his sister lives on benefits. Paul describes his family as being “relatively low-income.”
A Short-Lived Solution
At one point, Carol helped Paul’s sister land a secretary job when Paul’s sister was a single mother. However, Paul’s sister quit after a month because it was too difficult to manage her baby.
Concerns About Assistance
Carol’s parents recently retired after decades of hard work, and they receive $2000 monthly from her and her sister. Paul finds this “ridiculous” since Carol’s parents already have a pension of $6000.
Carol Addresses Paul’s Concerns
Carol addressed Paul’s concerns but assured him she wasn’t using money from their joint account. Here’s where things headed south.
Supporting Paul’s Parents
Recently, Paul mentioned to Carol that his parents were also retired and could use some help. Understanding, Carol told Paul that if he could afford to do so from his salary, he should help them.
Carol and Paul’s Responsibilities
Paul was “shocked” by Carol’s response and pointed out that his parents only had him and his sister. By contrast, Carol and her sisters all earned a high income.
An Emotional Response
Carol reminded Paul that her parents had sacrificed a lot to move to this country and were her responsibility. She then stated that Paul’s parents should be his responsibility.
Dividing Responsibilities
Carol was upset and told Paul she never pressured him financially. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time Carol and Paul argued over finances.
Sibling Loan Dispute
In the past, Paul and Carol argued over loaning Paul’s sister money to put a down payment on a house. Carol didn’t want to lend her money because she knew Paul’s sister was unreliable and wouldn’t repay her.
Worse Than Initially Expected
“Wow. He is worse than I thought. If my so [sic] were to be paying 70% of the money. I would strike [sic] to work at least 70% of the household tasks and parenting.”
She’s Your Wife
“She’s your wife, not a sugar mama for you and your family.”
Get a Summer Job
“Get a summer job or a side gig. And why do your parents not get a pension if they worked a government job. And why is your sister not working NOW.”
Frustration and Confusion
Ultimately, Paul is frustrated and wonders why Carol is being so “cheap” despite earning more than him.
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