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Planning a wedding is meant to be one of the happiest times in a couple’s life. But this bride-to-be’s dreams of an extravagant destination affair were dashed by her father. By refusing to fund what he felt was an outrageous expense, he created a rift in his family.
The Disgruntled Father
The original poster (OP), Ellington, faced a dilemma when his daughter requested a destination ceremony in New Zealand that would cost around $200,000. Ellington felt this was an unnecessary display of wealth and told his daughter he would not pay for it.
The Daughter’s Dream Ceremony
Ellington’s daughter wanted to have her dream wedding in New Zealand, far from their home in New York. She envisioned an extravagant affair that would cost an estimated $200,000, which did not account for travel expenses for guests.
The Wife Supports the Daughter
Ellington’s wife disagreed with his stance and felt he should pay for their daughter’s desired wedding, given they could afford it. This disagreement drove a wedge between Ellington and his wife, who was upset with Ellington for refusing their daughter’s request.
Ellington Stands Firm
Despite the backlash from his daughter and wife, Ellington remained steadfast in his view that funding such an elaborate destination wedding would be a futile show of wealth. He was unwilling to spend so much money on a single event.
Exploring Alternatives
To find a compromise, Ellington decided to research the cost of hosting a wedding with 100–200 guests in New York. He planned to present his daughter with the option of having a local wedding within a reasonable budget.
An Ultimatum for the Daughter
Ellington soon realized he needed to take a firm stance. He decided to give his daughter an ultimatum: either have a local wedding that he would pay for or fund the destination wedding herself. The free wedding or the dream location—she’d have to choose.
Confronting His Wife
Ellington knew he might also face backlash from his wife if he went through with the ultimatum. However, he felt not funding the destination wedding was the right financial decision for their family. He was prepared to stand up to his wife on the issue.
The Daughter’s Anger
Ellington’s refusal to pay for the New Zealand wedding left his daughter angry and frustrated. She cut off contact with her dad in protest of his decision.
Strained Family Relations
The situation put a strain on family relations. Both Ellington’s daughter and wife stopped speaking to him because of his stance on the destination wedding plans.
Inner Conflict
Ellington now feels conflicted. He has started to wonder if he should concede to his daughter’s wishes in hopes of repairing their relationship, even if it would mean spending exorbitant amounts of money.
Seeking Feedback
Unsure if he was making the right call, Ellington sought feedback on the situation from others. He was open to reconsidering his position if given compelling reasons to do so.
The Daughter’s Sense of Entitlement
One user commented, “The original poster (OP) edited to say she’s asking for $200,000, and of course, the guest will still pay for their flights and hotel. It’s clear who was spoiled and now thinks she’s entitled to everything she wants at any time.”
The Wife’s Immaturity
“The wife is not acting like a parent here. She’s acting like a spoiled brat giving her husband the silent treatment. Something tells me the daughter is closer to 20 than 25, and the mom wants to relive her glory days instead of continuing to raise their child into an adult,” another user chimed in.
Offer a Compromise
Another shared a helpful opinion, saying, “But decide on the amount you will contribute. Should they spend it on a destination ceremony? That should be up to them, and yes, you have to go. Afford is different than it is an intelligent use of your money.”
Lessons Learned
Ellington recognizes that while he wishes to make a prudent financial choice, he also needs to be a supportive father. The situation has taught him difficult lessons about balancing fiscal responsibility with family happiness.
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