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Here’s a story of a couple with an upcoming wedding showing signs they may not be financially ready. Despite this, they proceed, but the bride makes an unreasonable request that sparks family drama.
Getting Married Too Young
The original poster (OP) — let’s call her Hannah — is conflicted about whether or not she made the right choice.
Hannah’s brother, in his early twenties, decided to get married a bit too soon.
He was living with his mother, rent-free, which says a lot about his financial standing.
Taking on Too Much Financial Responsibility
According to Hannah, “He just finished his bachelor program a year ago, is still trying to get on his feet and find a good full-time job in his field, and decides to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding?”
Decisions Are Made
Hannah and her dad tried to talk to her brother about delaying the wedding until he was more financially stable, but they could not persuade the eager husband-to-be.
A few days later, Hannah received a call from her SIL asking to borrow her wedding dress because she couldn’t afford one.
This call — and request — caught Hannah by surprise. Did her SIL not know the dress would need to be altered? Hannah was unwilling to sacrifice her wedding dress for a wedding that was happening too soon.
Balancing Expectations With Financial Reality
Logic dictates that you should set realistic wedding expectations if you have a limited budget. But, as they say, the heart wants what it wants.
Hannah’s SIL was not ready to compromise on the quality of her wedding gown. On top of this, she knew that Hannah’s wedding dress was worth thousands of dollars.
Asking For Too Much
Hannah’s argument was reasonable: If you can’t afford to have the wedding of your dreams, consider waiting until you’re financially stable. Dragging your family along and making them responsible for your wedding is inconsiderate and senseless.
The Ethics of Borrowing
Most women would consider it unreasonable to alter — and wear — another woman’s wedding dress — but not Hannah’s SIL. She started crying and begging. She even accused Hannah of not financially supporting the wedding and added that this was her chance to contribute.
Hannah’s SIL eventually involved Hannah’s brother and mother, who collectively felt Hannah was being unsupportive; they argued that it was “just a dress.”
Family on Hannah’s Side
Thankfully, her dad felt different.
Hannah explained, “My dad is on my side and defending me and is now thinking of taking back his financial help due to the sheer audacity of my brother’s fiancée asking me such a thing.”
How Weddings Can Affect Family Relationships
One online user commented, “Tell her to use a sack of flour as a dress if she wants to get married so badly. The entitlement!”
Hannah mentioned she was not close to her SIL and rarely connected with her. The fact that Hannah’s SIL felt entitled to borrow something expensive and personal to Hannah was just irrational.
When Being Reasonable Backfires
To make matters worse, Hannah looked bad in front of her brother and mother, who thought she was being unreasonable regarding her dress.
Why should Hannah be financially responsible for her brother’s wedding?
SIL Got Upset About Borrowing a Dress
“…Come on now. If my brothers wanted to get married I would tell them congrats and I’ll see you on your big day. Like who asks anyone to contribute to their party? Please don’t give these people a dime…’
Hannah tried to reason with her SIL. She advised her to make financially smart decisions.
More Thoughts About Borrowing
“I basically said to her that she made her bed, so now she has to lie in it and figure it out herself….”
However, instead of backing down, Hannah’s SIL blamed her for not helping her brother financially.
She also spoke with Hannah’s brother and mother, who consequently turned against Hannah.
What People Really Think About Wedding Dresses
One user stated, “I hate when people assume others have money and it should be spent on them. She should look for a dress within her budget: thrift shops, online sellers, or David’s Bridal. She doesn’t need a dress for thousands of dollars.”
Can This Relationship Be Repaired?
Making family members financially responsible for your wedding can get complicated. According to many, Hannah’s SIL made an unreasonable request.
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