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A mother discovered her son had been in a same-sex relationship for months. When she accidentally confronted her son about the situation, he got upset, feeling he had been “outed” unexpectedly. Now, the mother wonders if she is in the wrong.
Noticing Changes in Son’s Behavior
The original poster (OP), Jasmine, is a mother to a teenage boy, Jake. Jake typically exhibits masculine traits, especially around friends.
Masculine Traits and Newfound Actions
Recently, Jasmine noticed Jake doing “baby talks” to another male friend. Jake would hug him, call him handsome, and even share clothes when he visited.
A Special Connection With a Male Friend
Jasmine wasn’t upset about this but believed something obvious was happening. When Jake’s friend was over, they’d sit close to each other and hang out with the bedroom door closed.
A Close Bond Behind Closed Doors
However, the strange part was that when Jake had additional friends over, he wouldn’t do any of these things with his male friend.
An Evolution in Jake’s Behavior
Jasmine didn’t say anything to Jake but continued to notice other odd actions. Jake suddenly started to smell great, fixed his hair, and dressed well.
A Casual Invitation Leads to a Serious Revelation
Here’s where things went downhill. Jasmine casually told Jake to invite his boyfriend on a family trip one day. To this, Jake responded, “That’s not funny.”
Laughter, Emotions, and Coming Out
Jasmine tried to play it cool by asking Jake what he meant. The two went back and forth, but Jake made it clear to Jasmine that he was straight.
Perspectives on Jasmine’s Response
Jasmine laughed at Jake’s response. However, It didn’t take long for Jasmine to realize that Jake was serious, and she laughed harder.
The Complex Impact of the Mother’s Approach
She told Jake that he was obviously in a relationship with his friend and wasn’t doing a good job of hiding it. Jake got emotional and begged Jasmine not to tell his father he was gay.
A Mother’s Reflection on Her Actions
Unfortunately for Jake, his father was already aware because he had also noticed Jake’s odd actions. When Jake discovered both his parents were aware that he was gay, he got upset.
Understanding the Importance of Support
“You took that away from your son. Instead of saying something to the effect of ‘If you are, cool – if not, cool. We love you regardless’, you forced him to confront that identity before he was ready.”
Rebuilding Trust
“-First, apologize for laughing at him. No matter your intentions, it’s rude and probably made him feel SO belittled.”
Jake’s Emotional Reaction
“He might not have realized how obvious it was, and it is obviously a scary time for him, and you laughed at him. You are his mother, and he should be able to count on support in times when he is scared, not ridicule.”
Lessons in Sensitivity and Parental Support
Jake felt “outed” by his parents and claimed he wasn’t ready to tell them the news. Jasmine is now left wondering whether she made the right decision, despite Jake’s “obvious” behavior.
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